There’s something to be said about a woman who knows her worth in terms of the value she adds to every aspect of not only her own life, but to the lives of those around her just by being who she is. Nowhere is this statement truer than when viewed through the lens of a woman who was chosen to become a wife; especially when that woman begins to understand that her worth and value are the keys to her ability to unlock her authentic power in her marriage.
That woman is often viewed by those around her as having it all together—the quintessential example of everything that a woman should be, and of how a woman should conduct herself. Her character and integrity establishes the benchmark that other women aspire to reach. Her style and flair makes her a trendsetter in her own right because she’s not afraid to define what femininity looks like for her on her own terms. Her heart is warm and inviting, which creates in her a certain type of charisma that causes people to gravitate toward her because she’s so genuine, honest, sincere, and endearing. Her beauty and her personality radiates from the inside out like a beacon that causes people to notice her even when she isn’t trying to call attention to herself.
That woman is intelligent, humble, enterprising, driven, and all-around grounded. She seems to be happy all the time—content with who she is, and content with the life she lives. She appears to be the picture of perfection…the perfect wife…the perfect friend…the perfect careerwoman…the perfect “everything” that every other woman sees and aspires to immolate.
The truth is that the characteristics inherent in “that woman” are present in all of us women. The problem with this is that, as women, we fall into the trap of basing our worth and value on all the ways that we don’t measure up, which causes us to lose our power because we no longer feel empowered to be who we are.
If we’ll allow ourselves to be vulnerable long enough to see our authentic selves beyond the veil of everything that we believe to be good and perfect about who we are, we’ll discover the greatest truth that lies in our core vis-à-vis the self-imposed standards of perfection that we damn-near kill ourselves trying to live up to—that perfection will always be limited by our perspective. We all want to be “perceived” as “being” perfect because it’s much easier for us to live under the shadow of the illusion being everything that embodies perfection than it is for us to admit that we’re flawed.
That’s the great irony in all this, and here’s why… Our power is contained in our flaws. In fact, when we hold the mirror of self-reflection up to ourselves, we engage in a never-ending cycle of compare-and-contrast as we begin to see who we are staring back at us. We begin to see the woman who used to have it going on like “her” but somehow…in some way…at some point…stopped seeing our value and started settling for less than what we’re truly worth.
So…what do these thoughts about self-worth, added-value, perfection, and perception have to do with me, as they relate to the power that is inherent in my role as a wife? I’m so glad you asked because the short answer is that they have EVERYTHING to do with to do with the power that you have in your marriage as a wife. Still can’t see how? I’ll show you…
Your attitude about being a wife (i.e. how you see and/or feel about yourself in your marriage), coupled with your overall perception about marriage (i.e. what you believe to be true about what and how you’re expected to contribute to your marriage in your role as a wife), is directly proportional to the amount of influence (your ability to effectively leverage your value and worth as an individual) to work in partnership with your husband to achieve whatever matrimonial success looks like (based on what you both believe to be true about what makes a marriage successful).
I believe that as women, we get so caught-up in trying to be “perfect” until we lose sight of two of the most important things that should (1) serve to anchor us as we navigate the complexities of life, and (2) set us apart from the pack; those things being our sense of self-worth and our sense of value. It’s easy to lose sight of how powerful we truly are when we don’t have a clear sense of either our worth or the value that we add to life as it unfolds around us when we don’t take the time needed to nurture our personal growth and development in ways that empower us to establish ourselves as independent, whole, and complete people before we get married.
Despite this truth, you were still chosen. Regardless of the reason, you were chosen to become someone’s wife. But why? What was it about you that caused you to be noticed above every other woman who could’ve caught your man’s eye? What was it about you that made your husband feel, with such strong conviction, that he had to have you by his side as his wife for the rest of his life? Flaws and all???
That’s the billion-dollar question. Take a long, honest look at yourself in the mirror and then take whatever time you need to carefully study the answer being reflected back to you in the form of your authentic truth. As soon as you’re able to answer that question for yourself, the balance of power in your marriage will never tip out of your favor ever again. Still don’t see how? I’ll leave you with this final truth…
Your true power is inherent in your husband’s ability to see you as an asset to your marriage—NOT a liability. Your true power as a wife is directly proportionate to your ability to help your husband solve the problems that arise not only in your marriage, but also in life. That’s why he chose you. Your husband recognized that, by association, your worth and value would add to his life in such a way that would make him more powerful as a man because the covering, protection, and favor he’d receive simply because of who you are. He saw your greatness and decided to make you his MVP for life because he saw you as being perfect team-player for this position in marriage.
Ladies, even though we might not be able to see our way clearly through, or even understand the whys and the hows that govern the symbiotic nature of the husband/wife relationship–especially when the complexities of those hows and whys begin to challenge the foundation of our marriages–as wives, we must never lose sight of the power of remaining solution-focused when working with our husbands to tackle any problem that comes up. After all, that’s, in large part, what being a “helpmeet” to our husbands is all about.
We must remain focused on how we can work with our husbands, or rather, on how we can “support” our husbands through whatever decision-making process that he must go through to help him make a more “favorable” transition from being stuck in the obscure place of uncertainty to a place of empowerment from which he can effectively lead us forth the marriage. Therefore, as wives, we should always remain cognizant of the impact of our worth and value on our husbands because our husbands will respect these qualities that are within us, as these are the qualities that attracted his attention in the first-place…among other things.
The key takeaway here is that we lose our power whenever our husbands see us as a liability (i.e. as being part of the problem). Whenever we chose to respond to him or to his needs with negative, unsupportive, disincentive, or any other type nagging rhetoric, we inadvertently tip the balance of power out of our favor. At some point, our behavior will ultimately cause our husbands to look at us a little bit differently—especially if they feel as if our behavior is more negative than supportive.
It’ll all begin to snowball and go downhill from there because they’ll equate the negativity as a form of sabotage to the marriage. You can look at any current set of divorce statistics specific to any demographic in the world to see the rate at which marriages are failing. The one thing that all of these failed marriages have in common is that some problem arose in the marriage to which neither spouse could not find an appropriate solution.
If you don’t want your marriage to become another divorce statistic, help your marriage by being part of the solution to whatever problem or situation that comes up. You’ll always be stronger together, standing in unity with your husband, but to realize that strength, you must always use your power as a wife to work in partnership with your husband toward resolution.
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