Up to this point, each of the preceding keys to the WifeCode™ spoke to different issues that arise in marriage and cause us wives to stumble into a place of uncertainty within ourselves—a place that often leaves us confused and unsure about how to navigate our way through those issues without disturbing the delicate balance of power within our marriages.
Those issues can have a strong influence on our overall thought process, which can be to our detriment because they can make us question just about every aspect of our how we see ourselves as wives. If we’re not careful to maintain a strong connection with the identity of the woman we were before we got married, those issues will impact how we see ourselves as wives, how we relate to our husbands, and how we understand the power that we have in our marriages.
In the preceding keys to the WifeCode™, we addressed the importance of maintaining open, honest, and healthy patterns of communication with our husbands, of standing in absolute unity with our husbands at all times, of ensuring that our husbands know that they have our full support in everything, of “taking care of home,” and of presenting the most authentic version of ourselves in everything…in every way…and in every situation.
The fifth and final key to the WifeCode™ will serve to anchor each thought expressed in the preceding keys by shifting the focus from maintaining your power in your marriage to preserving it.
So…how does a wife do that, you wonder? Preserve her power??? The answer is quite simple: through BALANCE.
Marriage is, in-and-of-itself, one big balancing act. As a wife, you have to find a way to find a way to strike the balance between being everything that you need you to be, everything that your husband desires you to be, everything that your marriage demands you to be, and everything that society dictates you to be—all at the same time AND above and beyond being the woman that YOU were created to be.
As women, we tend to fall into the trap of working twice as hard to live up to all of the expectations that get superimposed on us by people whose opinions about how we handle any aspect of our lives or our marriages shouldn’t matter because, after all, it’s really none of their business. As a result, we start believe that we have to be able to handle it all so that it APPEARS as if we have it all together, or else we run the risk of being perceived as “less-than” or “not good enough” in the eyes of people whose opinion of you shouldn’t matter. And just like that, we leave the door wide open for the outside influences to walk into our situation and upset the balance that keeps our lives flowing smoothly.
Eventually, those outside influences begin to demand more of our time, effort, energy, resources, and attention. When they do, we begin to divert time, effort, energy, and attention from the most important areas of our lives to supplement those things that now demand more of our attention. This is the point where everything that we have going on in our lives begins to fall out-of-sync with the overall balance that’s required to maintain and sustain healthy marriages. That’s why our power in our marriages often hangs in the balance, and, in most circumstances, causes our power to get tipped out of our favor.
Why??? The answer is quite simple…it’s because those outside influences have the power to make you question the two of the most important aspects of your identity as a wife: (1) your worth in your marriage and (2) the value that you add to your partnership with your husband. Herein lies the problem, Ladies.
The problem is that we continue to question ourselves. We stop believing that we’re enough. We start believing the hype about what a wife is, and about what she’s supposed to contribute to marriage. Then, we start believing that we’re not enough just as we are. We stop looking to the Spirit that guides us from within for the answers that we need to navigate the complexities of marriage. Instead, we begin to look to, to seek out, and to uphold what other people think, believe, and say about how we should handle ourselves in our marriages and how we should operate in our roles as wives.
Herein lies the problem because our sense of self gets devalued as we continue to fall further out-of-balance through all of our doing. Ladies, if we are to preserve and maintain our power in our marriages, we have to be able to strike-the-balance between the many roles that we play as women both within and outside the confines of the institution of marriage.
In other words, the key takeaway to this installment of the WifeCode™ is that our ability to preserve and maintain our power in our marriages is directly proportionate to our ability to preserve and maintain balance in every aspect of the many roles that comprise our lives as women. Yes. It is possible for us, as women, to have it all; but we must remain cognizant of what, if anything, we’re willing to risk as we work to achieve that end.