One of the harshest realities that we must face as human beings is the fact that we’re going to make a mistake at some point in our lives. That fact IS an inevitable truth. Yes…we’re all going to make a mistake and fall from grace at some point, despite our efforts to hide all the not-so-favorable idiosyncrasies about ourselves …you now…those things we believe make us appear unfavorably through the eyes of everyone around us.
Perhaps the one thing that makes that truth so difficult for us to accept is that there’s another truth that makes it even harder for us to acknowledge our mistakes in the first place. That truth is simply this—YOU’RE NOT PERFECT. In fact, no one is.
If we could only stop trying to preserve our self-image long enough to truly comprehend the magnitude of that truth relative to how we understand the reasons why we do the things that we do; I believe that we’d experience a level of freedom that would enable us to begin the work of embracing our personal flaws so that we can recognize and correct the internal patterns of dysfunction that often show up through the impaired judgment that drives our decision-making in the first place.
Life, in-and-of itself, will remind us of these core truths with every step that we take along our respective journeys throughout this human experience. The problem with this is that, as humans, we get wrapped up in the emotions associated with our respective experience so much so that we often forget that our ability to successfully navigate our way through life is contingent upon our ability to sustain relationships with people who can help us have a more enjoyable experience along the way.
So why, then, is it so easy for us to get stuck in a place of unforgiveness when our relationships have been breached to the point of causing us to lose trust because of the mistakes that were made by the other person during a moment of impaired judgment on their part? Why is it so hard for us to move past the trespass and work toward repairing that breach and restoring the trust that was lost because of the offense that was committed? Are there levels of offense that correspond with levels of forgiveness, or is there a way to determine how long it will take for the healing process to enable us to fix what’s been broken in our marriages so that we can move forward together as one?
To answer either of those questions, you must be honest enough with yourself to own your part in anything that happened between you and your husband that could contribute to the trust issues that have either arisen or could potentially arise in your marriage. Only you can do this work, and it will be well-worth the effort because doing so will lead you closer to your truth, which will liberate you so that you can move forward. You’ll need to take a long look at yourself within the context of what’s happening in your marriage to gain a clearer understanding of the mistakes being made along the way that are causing a rift between you and your husband.
The value of this level of self-assessment is priceless because, if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll be able to recognize your character flaws in real-time while creating the space needed to allow you see how your vulnerabilities are contributing to your problems. If you’re not able to identify any flaws within yourself during this process, but can identify all your husband’s flaws, therein lies the problem. At that point, it’s likely that you’ll always stay “stuck” in that place because you’ll never be able to see yourself outside of the confines of what you perceive to be everything that makes you “good and perfect” just the way you are.
Sure…I could make a list of all the ways that marital relationships and of how trust gets broken in those relationships; I could even spend a considerable amount of time highlighting everything that gets fractured and lost during the depredation of the marriage itself. That list would cover everything from infidelity to dishonesty and just about everything in between and anything that would contribute to the problems that contribute to the problems.
Perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind here is that the TRUST that binds your foundation of your marriage with you husband, and that without a strong foundation, everything that your marriage is built on will crumble. Erosion is a slow yet continual process, and the damage that results can take months…sometimes years to notice. With that being said, Ladies, we must pay attention to the signs because they’re always present…albeit barely noticeable at times…they’ll still be there.
So, the question is: “IS IT POSSIBLE TO REPAIR A BREACH IN MY MARRIAGE; ESPECIALLY WHEN TRUST HAS BEEN COMPROMISED?”
The short answer is “YES.” It’s possible to repair the breach, even after trust has been compromised.
The not-so-short answer is in the process of “DOING” whatever it takes to ensure that the trust is restored.
So, the question then becomes “HOW IS TRUST RESTORED AFTER IT’S BEEN BROKEN?”
The answer is simply this: “THE ONLY WAY THAT YOU CAN RESTORE TRUST IS WITH COMPLETE HONESTY AND TOTAL TRUTH.”
Regardless of what happened to cause the breach or the events that led up to the loss of trust in our marriages, the fact of the matter is that we must own our part in what went wrong so that we can begin to recognize how we contribute to our own patterns of dysfunction in our relationships with ourselves and with our husbands. The truth of the matter is that our marital relationships are merely an extension of who we are at our core and of how we see ourselves.
We get so caught-up in the idea of finding and spending the rest of our lives with that “perfect” someone that begin to lose touch with reality as we become overly-consumed with having the “perfect” marriage in which there are no problems, struggles, or discord of any type. The only way to combat this illusion is by living in your truth with complete and total honesty. That way, you and your husband will always occupy the same time and space together as one, which will leave little room, if any, for outside interference!
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