People get married for all types of reasons. Some people marry for money. Some people marry for fame. Other people marry out of either obligation, duty, or responsibility. There are even those who get married because they’re driven to do so by their eternal commitment to, coupled with their undying love for, that special someone—the “one” with whom they vow to spend the rest of their life with until death separates them.
Just as the reasons why people get married are varied and can be complicated, so too is the truth that anything worth having is worth fighting for. It is this truth that spawned an intense and equally thought-provoking internal discussion that I had with myself focused on the connection between sexual satisfaction and matrimonial happiness. This “internal” discussion was prompted as I read an article that spoke of how next to financial stability and good communication, a lack of sexual fulfillment in marriage rounds out the top three reasons why marriages fail.
As I read the article, it began to hit home in a way that made me pause because I started to hear faint sound of a serious conversation that my husband and I had a few weeks prior regarding how our sex life had become less than fulfilling as a result of various challenges and stressors that had arisen in our relationship echoing throughout my mind. In that moment, my thoughts began to shift and I started to think about everything that sex represents in my marriage. That is when my thought process regarding matrimonial coitus was forever changed.
As I heard my husband’s voice replaying in my head as we argued about how our sex life had become practically non-existent and debated about all of the reasons why, I began to hear what he was saying for the first time. As my husband opened his heart to me, I heard every word he said about what sex with me means to him with my heart. It was at this point when I began to connect with him on a much deeper level, as I began to realize that sex with him means exactly the same thing to me. The issue for us, probably in much of the same way as it is for so many other married couples out there, was that our perspective about the importance of sex in marriage got distorted, which caused us to see the act of having sex as a means to get our individual “needs” met than to see it for the gift that it is.
For my husband, sex allows us to connect with each other physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually simultaneously, thus allowing us to experience the same moment at the highest level of intimacy and togetherness in unison. For him, sex is his deepest expression of communication that he can have with me simply because I am his wife. Yes, sex is pleasurable and can give you a great workout if you work it right; but, moreso than that, sex is our deepest and most pure mode of communication because we’re able to communicate with each other on an entirely different level…one where we know what each other is thinking and feeling without even having to ask or speak. I do share the same point of view regarding the act of sex as my husband, and the beautiful thing about being reminded of this conversation as a result of having read the article is that I now understand the importance of sex in marriage in an entirely different way.
Quite frankly, I think that as wives, we often miss the proverbial boat when we talk about how we can “use” sex to our advantage to manipulate our husbands to do what we want them to do or how we can “use” sex as a somewhat of a behavior modification tool against our husbands to deter a certain set of behaviors by refusing to have sex with them. Of course, there are many different schools of thought about sex and marriage; how much sex is enough…is it possible to have too much sex…the thoughts on which to ponder regarding this topic are endless.
However, as wives, I believe that we should have a clear understanding about why sex is important to us, and I think that it’s equally important for us to understand the same from our husbands’ perspective. It is also important to consider is that quantity without quality will never be fulfilling. I say this because if you focus on the “how many times can we ‘get it in’” over “how did we spend the time that we had connecting with each other and strengthening our bond,” you will miss valuable opportunities to strengthen your connection with your husband above and beyond the physical.
Lastly, if you consistently tend to your lawn the way that you should be, you won’t have to worry about your husband grazing in other pastures because he won’t be able to see past your property line!
So…is it possible to have too much sex in your marriage? Please leave a comment, and keep the conversation going!