I do realize that some wives reading this post will argue that the title for the second key to the WifeCode™ will set women’s progress back at least fifty years, but hear me out on this one. Regardless of what your personal beliefs and opinions are on what a helpmeet is or if the term is still applicable to the role and responsibility of a wife within the context of marriage in today’s world, the reality is that each of us became a helpmeet by default when we said “I do.”
While the concept of marriage has remained constant over time, the concept of a helpmeet has become somewhat skewed as the definition of marriage and thoughts about traditional marriage roles have changed.
You may be wondering what this has to do with you, and you may even be asking questions like “why do I need to reconnect with ‘her,’” and “what value does ‘she’ add to who I am as a wife?” I would argue that the answers to those questions are really simple in that the origin of our creation as women embodies a certain level of duty and responsibility to the purpose for marriage that transcends time. It is in that duty and responsibility where we, as women, must look to unlock our power in our marriages; hence the reason why Key #2 to the WifeCode™ is on the importance of reconnecting with your inner helpmeet.
When we think of the term “helpmeet,” our thoughts tend to lean toward the Bible because of the association of the term “helpmeet” with the story of Adam and Eve and Creation. In the traditional sense of the word, we’re taught that as wives, our primary responsibility is to be a “helpmeet” to our husband—that we are to be his helper…his companion…his partner…his “other half”…etc…etc. In striving to be all that the term “helpmeet” implies, we as women get so caught-up in trying to be everything to all of the people in our lives simultaneously that we lose sight of the importance and the value that we add to the one person who matters most—our husband. If we’re not careful to check our motives and our intentions, all of our “helpful” actions will create an imbalance that, if unchecked, will cause a serious rift in our situation, Ladies.
So how will reconnecting with my inner helpmeet help me to unlock my power in my marriage, you ask? The key-to-the-key here is to RECALIBRATE the balance in your marriage by simply doing the things that “helpmeets” do! Begin by rethinking the motives and intentions that govern the way you interact with and relate to your spouse. Are your motives and intentions being driven by your underlying desire to get your way in a specific situation, thereby causing you to act a certain way or say certain things? Then, in an act of completely honest self-examination, determine whether or not you are truly serving to help or to hinder your marriage, based on what you discover about yourself as you look within to begin this work.
In understanding how traditional marriage roles have evolved over time, I’ve learned that being a helpmeet is not so much about bowing-down in subservience to your husband’s every whim as it is about understanding the context and virtue with which women were created while recognizing that that’s the source of our power. Here are two ways that you can subtly reintroduce your husband to your inner helpmeet by showing him that you respect his role and what he contributes to the marriage in much of the same way as you want him to respect you and your contributions. Trust me, he WILL notice your efforts, and he’ll love you even more for doing so!
- Stand by Your Man: Ladies, in the same way that we want to feel supported by our husbands, our husbands need to feel that same level of support from us. We need to make sure that our husbands know that we’re there for them, and that they’re not alone in the struggle—whatever the struggle might be. Although you might not agree with everything that your husband might say or do…and vice-versa…you should always stand in unity with your husband; ESPECIALLY concerning any issue that serves to threaten the foundation of your marriage or your family. In other words, keep outsiders on the outside of your marriage, and never let them witness you not having your man’s back.
Your focus should be on building a relationship with your husband that feeds his spirit and nourishes his soul in such a way that he won’t have room to question your loyalty to him because your loyalty will be reinforced by everything that you do to help him to be a better, stronger man.
- Take Care of Home: When women of a certain age hear the phrase “take care of home,” there’s an unspoken tidbit of advice embedded in the wording that basically suggests that, as a woman, you should keep your man satisfied, pleased, and fulfilled because if you won’t, someone else will. While a healthy sex life is of utmost importance in any marriage, taking care of home is about more than making sure that you serve up hot sex on a platter every night. While our husbands need us to fulfill our wifely duties and take care of their sexual needs, they also need us to take care of the needs of the house itself. A man’s home is his castle, and, as wives, we have to have the skills and the ability needed to maintain his castle.
Ladies, we need to literally take care of home; flex our domestic muscles so-to-speak…keep the house clean…keep the laundry cleaned and pressed…keep the stove hot with home-cooked meals…attend to your children…maintain a stress-free environment in your home…etc. etc. In short, we need to cover ALL of our bases, Ladies. Although taking care of home might sound like something out of the 50s with all the talk about housekeeping and all—ESPECIALLY to the modern woman of today—but again, this is what’s really real when it comes down to it. Oh…and never leave your husband uncovered because there will be another woman somewhere standing at-the-ready to offer him a blanket.
And that’s basically what we need to do to begin the process of reconnecting with our inner helpmeet! The key takeaways here are rather straight-forward: (1) that our husbands must be able to feel that we support them; (2) that our husbands must know beyond a shadow-of-a-doubt that we’re in-it-to-win-it with them; and, (3) that our husbands must believe that ALL of their needs are being met by their helpmeet. Ladies, we have to get back-to-basics when it comes to shoring-up the foundation of our marriages by being the one thing to our husbands that no one other woman can be—his helpmeet.
Stay tuned for the Third Key to the WifeCode™, which will focus on the importance of YOU!